


One Hundred Percent Seems Excessive

by grumpyhedgehogs



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: (Probably. Knowing me), Angst, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Some Humor, hopefully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-05-14 18:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 100
Words: 10,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumpyhedgehogs/pseuds/grumpyhedgehogs
Summary: 100 prompts, 100 words each. (More or less.)





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I do this to myself? (Because I love them.)
> 
> P.S.: Yes, they are talking about Fast and Furious.

"The entire series is about cars and going fast and family and bulging muscles," Eleanor says. She flops onto the sofa, spilling popcorn on Tahani's lap. She doesn't apologize. "It's terrible, and I love it."

" _You're_ terrible and I love you," Tahani says, surprised when she doesn't feel that dorky.

Eleanor snorts. "Dork. I can't believe you haven't seen this series! It’s, like, legendary."

Tahani smiles, sweeps Eleanor's hair out of her eyes. “Yes, dear."

Eleanor goes red. "Shut up," she says, but she presses her lips softly to Tahani’s fingers. "I'm trying to introduce you to a cinematic masterpiece."


	2. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you there'd be a little bit of angst somewhere in here. Under all the fluff, of course.

“That’s just code for ‘my family is fucked up.’” Eleanor shrugs. “You don’t gotta be weird about it, girlfriend. God knows I know what that’s like.”

Tahani’s stomach is in knots. “I didn’t say they were- they have high standards, they push me to reach my full potential-“

Eleanor looks distinctly unimpressed. “Yeah, not buying it. Try again later.”

“They loved me!” Tahani doesn’t understand why she defends them. It isn’t like Eleanor isn’t right.

Eleanor softens, slipping her arms around Tahani. “I never said they didn’t, babe. But parents can love you and be terrible. No shame in admitting that. You like, grow from the experience, or whatever.”


	3. Making History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor's bad humor rubs off on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried all dialogue for this one.

“Hey, guess what?”

“Yes?”

“I just realized, this is the longest relationship I’ve ever had! Up top, dude!”

“…You’ve never had a relationship longer than a year?”

“Babe, I’ve never had a relationship longer than, like, three months. This is huge.”

“That’s what she said.”

“…Oh. My. God.”

“Oh, God. Please forget I said that.”

“Are you kidding me? No way, that was amazing! You made a dirty joke! I made you make a dirty joke!”

“Please shut up.”

“No way, we’re making history here today baby! I’m in the longest relationship of my life with the best girl ever!”


	4. Rivalry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of canon "rivalry," AKA Eleanor crushing too hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue for this one too. I think you can tell what's happening at the end, right?

“You were jealous of me?”

“Oh, shut up! It’s not like you don’t know you’re hot, okay? And you were all like, oh let me help all the neighbors out, let me welcome everyone to the neighborhood, let me have a gigantic house beside your tiny clown cottage, Eleanor.”

“I- apologize?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“If it makes you feel any better- I thought you- hm.”

“What? Too short? Loud? Abrasive? Hey, I can be smooth man. I can be the smoothest you’ve seen-"

“You were too cute.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t talk to you; you were too cute. It was upsetting.”

“…C’mere.”


	5. Unbreakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought the angst was over? You fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally the first one that came out 100 words exactly.

“So I got my own place and never looked back, I guess.”

Eleanor twitches, folds her fingers in her sleeves, plays with her hem. She doesn’t meet Tahani’s eyes. She doesn’t see what is there.

She doesn’t know that Tahani thinks she may be the strongest person she’s ever met, to have dealt with that abuse and keep on going. To go to literal hell and decide not to give up, to look a demon in the eye and ask him to be her friend.

She doesn’t see any of this, but at least she sees Tahani’s hand in hers.


	6. Obsession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name-dropping is pretty annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for embarrassing reassurances. Or something like that.

“You know I-we like you, right?”

“Well, I certainly hope so,” Tahani scoffs, “we are in a relationship after all. And being stuck in hell, I’d like to think we’ll all stick together.”

Eleanor rolls her eyes. “Yeah, but we like you for you not, like, who you know. Knew. Whatever.”

Tahani frowns and feels something tugging at her gut. Eleanor sees, and shrugs. “It’s just, you have like this obsession with proving how important you are by who you knew. But you don’t have to you know? You’re good on your own.”

Tahani gets it, and smiles. Eleanor flushes.


	7. Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Committed Relationships in the Afterlife 101.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Tahani's turn for awkward reassurances.

“So like, we’re stuck here forever right?”

“Well, yes, Eleanor, that’s what being dead generally entails.”

“Okay, right, so like, I have a question for you. And it’s kinda important.”

“What is it? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, um, fine, but not really? I just- why are you with me?”

“…Is that a joke?”

“No! Look, I’m me, and you’re you, and I just don’t get why you wanna stay forever. With me.”

“Eleanor. You said it yourself; you’re you. That’s why I want to be with you. I know we haven’t- talked about it, but I don’t plan on going anywhere.”


	8. Gateway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for humorous nonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a break from the angsty fluff. Also, Seth Rogan is funny and successful but probably a bad role model.

“You’ve never smoked weed?”

“Of course not!”

“Well hey, don’t get all high and mighty on me miss sheltered youth. I mean, I only did it a handful of times, but seriously! It’s part of, like, growing up. Or at least the ‘American Experience’ or whatever.”

“Marijuana is a gateway drug, I’ll have you know.”

“That is such BS. Seth Rogan does it all the time and he’s fine! He’s like, a really well known actor, even!”

“Seth Rogan is a self-proclaimed idiot. Do you really want to hold him up as a role model?”

“Okay, you got me there.”


	9. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani has no appreciation for dramatic tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Harry Potter, I guess.

“How can you not be crying right now?”

“Eleanor, it’s just a movie.”

“It’s devastating! No one ever saw it coming!”

“It’s been out for years. The books have been out longer.”

“Devastating I tell you!”

“It’s one of the biggest spoilers ever. Everyone knows about it.”

“You are a cold, callous son of a bitch.”

“Eleanor, you didn’t even like Dumbledore.”

“Devastating! We never saw it coming!”

“You’ve watched this series over and over. You’ve literally seen it coming at least four times.”

“Snape is a traitor! Or is he?”

“Oh my god. Can we please watch something else?”


	10. Opportunities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's the little things than mean the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the big 1-0!

Tahani knows more than Eleanor thinks she does. She knows how Eleanor thinks of herself, when she believes no one sees. She knows that Eleanor is afraid of turning into her parents, of being alone.

Tahani hates that.

Still, she knows not to bring it up. If she does, Eleanor is liable to either laugh it off or run. Neither option will do any good.

Instead, she waits until Eleanor has that blank, dead look. And then, then she will stop, and take the opportunity to look in her eyes, and maybe even kiss her.

She means “I love you.”


	11. 33%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off those silly soulmate calculator things online. You know, the ones that you put your names into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say, thanks for all the great comments! They're really sweet. :)

“That’s bullshit dude!”

"I’ve never been more insulted in my life.”

“We are much more compatible than thirty-three percent. We’re at least seventy-five percent.”

“Well, I mean, I’d hope we were more than that.”

“Hey, seventy-five is a passing rate.”

“…What?”

“Never mind. The important thing is, this soulmate calculator’s a scam! Hey, we even were soulmates at one point.”

“Wasn’t that just a torture attempt though?”

“Yeah, but we had our moments. Like that picnic we had.”

“That was sweet. Until the bees came.”

“Dude, why do you have to mention the bees every time? I was being romantic!”


	12. Dead Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani's parents, specifically, suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title's funny cause they're dead.

“I don’t care what your parents would think!” Eleanor throws her hands in the air, rolls her eyes and generally appears as dramatic as possible.

Tahani sighs, but Eleanor cuts her off. “No, let me stop you right there, sister, because if you think I’m just gonna stand here and let you believe whatever your shitty parents told you about who you’re supposed to be with is right, you’re dead wrong.”

“I know,” Tahani placates, leans her forehead against Eleanor’s, “I know. They are –were- wrong about me. I can love whoever I want.”

Eleanor grins against Tahani’s lips. “Damn straight.”


	13. Running Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some self-reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what that is? Growth.

Eleanor is used to ghosting on people. She isn’t proud of it (well, anymore), but that’s life.

She’s not used to caring so much. But here she is, staring at Tahani’s sleeping face in the dark and wondering what the hell she’s doing. She’s never stayed, has dropped people like old laundry, never had a second thought.

Eleanor can hear that voice in her head that tells her to leave, if she doesn’t Tahani will realize who she really is, how Tahani can do better-

But she’s stronger now. She’s done running.

Instead, she brushes a kiss over Tahani’s brow.


	14. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani's music tastes can be eclectic, Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very apathetic towards 1D.

“You like that stuff?”

“Alright, that tone is not appreciated.”

“I’m just saying, isn’t that band for like, thirteen year old girls?”

“They can be very… versatile.”

“You think they’re hot, don’t you.”

“No!”

“Oh my God, you do. You think they’re dreamy.”

“Stop it. I’ve met some of them you know. They were very nice.”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard Zane is especially _nice._ ”

“Stop. It.”

“Ha, I guess the only direction he was going was out of the band.”

“Sometimes I don’t have to wonder what made you end up here.”

“Ouch. Okay. May have deserved that one, yeah.”


	15. Seeking Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams can be worse torture than people, sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of angst, little fluff today. I'll get back to the scheduled fluffy programming soon.

Tahani thinks Eleanor doesn’t know about how she sleeps. How could she?

Maybe it’s because she’s been alone for so long. Maybe it’s because she’s scared. Maybe it’s because whatever dreams she has usually end with Tahani sleepily shaking her awake and wiping the sweat from her brow with worried, gentle fingers.

(Eleanor never says what the dreams are about.)

Tahani doesn’t know why Eleanor sleeps the way she does. All Tahani knows is that whenever they’re in the same bed, at some point in the night, Eleanor will curl into Tahani like she’s looking for shelter from a storm.


	16. Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Napoleonic Complex is strong with this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to humor and fluff!

“What was that for?”

“What do you mean ‘what was that for?’”

“I mean- why did you do it?”

“Do I need an excuse to kiss my girlfriend?”

“Well- no, I suppose not…”

“That’s right! I’m just being a loving girlfriend, dude.”

“Okay, but why did you wait until I sat down?”

“No reason.”

“Eleanor.”

“Tahani.”

“Were you trying to see if you were taller than me when I’m sitting down?”

“It’s the only time I get to be tall, okay! Let me have this.”

“You know I don’t care about how tall you are right?”

“Oh, just shut up.”


	17. Vengance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't allow either of them in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you write it all just for a Gladiator reference.

“How could you?”

“Eleanor it’s not that bad.”

“Oh my God, I’m going to kill you. Come here.”

“No, no- look I’m sorry alright?”

“Not good enough-ugh!”

“Stop throwing flour at me! I’ll have you know this dress was a gift from-“

“If you name-drop one more time after what you just did to me, I swear to God I will find a way to bring us back to life just to kill you again!”

“It’s frosting! It’s not a big deal! I think it’s cute on your nose.”

“I will have my vengeance! In this life or the next!”


	18. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character reflection, anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Eleanor and her issues.

Eleanor can count on one hand the times she’s told someone she loves them. Actually, she can do better than that; she has never said that to anyone (and meant it) before. Well, before Tahani, anyway.

She knows she doesn’t say it enough. Hell, this is the first serious relationship she wants to keep.

Eleanor is a little scared she doesn’t know how to say it.

So she tries other ways; she introduces Tahani to her interests, listens to her talk about her own (who the hell plays cricket?). She doesn’t say much about her name-dropping.

Eleanor tries. She guesses that’s the important part.


	19. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess I should add hurt/comfort to the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My server was being stupid yesterday, so you get two today!

“Oh, oh God,” Eleanor says, looking like she’s been confronted with a wild animal. “please don’t- no seriously please don’t cry.”

“I-I-I’m so-sorry,” Tahani sobs, “I-“

“Uh no,” Eleanor seems a bit calmer now, having gotten over her shock, “no, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. Um. Just. Do you want- a hug? Maybe?”

“Ye-yes. Pl-ple-ease.”

“Oh jeez,” Eleanor mutters and steps closer, opens her arms. “Okay, I can do this. This is cool.”

“S-sorry,” Tahani repeats, and buries her head in Eleanor’s shoulder.

For all her hesitance, Eleanor isn’t stiff. “Girl, don’t even worry about it. It’ll be okay.”


	20. My Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor isn't the only one who knows how to joke around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time on My Strange Addiction: I love making these two act like dorks.

“It’s you!”

“It…is?”

“You don’t like it, do you?”

“Uh, no, it’s not that!”

“Yes it is.”

“No, really! You know I’m just… really bad at appreciating art!”

“You have told me multiple times you appreciate the sight of your own face.”

“Oh God, there’s no way I’m winning this, is there?”

“Hmph.”

“Please don’t be mad! At least you’re like, amazing at everything else right? And like, who care about art?”

“I do.”

“I-I’m really flattered? It just- doesn’t look like a person. Maybe nachos.”

“Heh. That’s because this is Jason’s. Here’s the real painting.”

“Why you sneaky little-“


	21. Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is getting better at being a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this fills the prompt. Kinda. Oh well.

It’s strange to think of herself in a relationship. Eleanor never really thought of herself as anything but flying solo, living for herself, out for number one. It was easy for her to be alone. Nice, even.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t nice. Maybe that’s just what she told herself in order to get through the lonely days. Introspection is a bitch.

But now, with Tahani- well, it’s different. It’s better.

It’s taken her a long time to get her shit together. To realize that this is real, and Tahani isn’t going anywhere. She can breathe.

This? Now this is nice.


	22. Online

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is a Dork (tm).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, something just a little fluffy.

“Beep-beep be-do.”

“What is that? What are you doing?”

“Uh, dial-up noises?”

“Wh-why? What on earth-“

“Look if I’m not online, you can’t argue with me, okay? That’s how I did it on Facebook with my crazy aunt all the time.”

“Eleanor, this is a verbal conversation. We’re looking right at each other.”

“It also works for Janet.”

“That’s only with Jason, and only because he still gets confused and thinks she’s a robot.”

“Okay, but may I just point out that we are not arguing anymore? So in a way, this all worked out for me.”

“Stop it.”


	23. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family sucks pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work, but it's getting there.

After what her parents thought of her, after what Kamilla thought of her, after what she thought of herself, it was- hard.

She could never do anything right. She was always a little too late to be particularly fashionable, or too early and eager.

But here, with Eleanor- it’s better.

Eleanor doesn’t think she’s stupid or she’s not good enough.

Eleanor is sweet in a backhanded way. She tries to hide her compliments in insults, but when she lists all the things that make her like Tahani as if they were the worst flaws in the world… It’s just better.


	24. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introspection doesn't always hurt.

It occurs to Eleanor that this place, here with Tahani, is maybe a do-over for her. Another chance. A rebirth.

She’s different, here. She’s trying, for one thing. She’s becoming something more than she was. Eleanor is better in death than she ever was in life.

The old Eleanor would rage against that thought, spit and scream that she did not need fixing, she was fine on her own, screw the rest of the world. The new Eleanor looks down at the long, slender fingers entwined with hers, and breathes a sigh of relief.

She’s not who she was anymore.


	25. Breaking Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor reflects on her manic need for independence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a character piece than a shippy thing, but Tahani's in there at the end.

It had felt inexplicably good when Eleanor had left home. She had done it; she had freed herself from the worst life she could imagine. She hadn’t needed anyone’s help to do it.

Independence became almost a drug to her then. Eleanor got very good at leaving people behind. Looking back now, she can pretty much guarantee that in any given bad situation in her life, she was the negative factor from then on.

But she had freed herself; nothing would ever make Eleanor hang her head about that.

With Tahani, she felt like she was free already; she didn’t need to run.


	26. Forever and a Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to humorous fluff! Y'all been waiting, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something to break up the introspective mood I've been in. It was nice!

“I have been waiting forever for this!”

“I really don’t see the appeal.”

“Oh shut your perfect face you jerk, you’ll see in a minute. I was so worried they wouldn’t have this here!”

“In the afterlife? I think the point is they have everything you could ever want. Even…this, I suppose.”

“Oh my God, could you be supportive for one second?”

“Of you? Always. Of this show? Never in my life.”

“Not even if I paid you?”

“My love, you could barely pay me to watch ‘Desperate Housewives.’ It’s atrocious.”

“This is not just a show, okay! It’s art!”


	27. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all who wander want to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I'll get back to relationship stuff, but in the meantime I'm having fun exploring characterization!

Eleanor only ever wanted to get lost. She’s never felt at home, her skin a prison. When she looked in the mirror, she usually saw a face she couldn’t stand.

Oh sure, she faked it with bravado and overconfidence and independence. But when it really mattered? When she lay in the quiet dark? She couldn’t stand the voice in her head. Eleanor wanted nothing more than to disappear.

It takes finding Tahani to stop that feeling. She thinks it’s the way Tahani looks at her; like she sees herself in Eleanor. She’s hurt too.

They hurt together, and that’s okay.


	28. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do people even say 'lame' anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some humor this time around!

"I'm just saying, I should have seen a light. There was no light. Not even a tunnel, dude!"

"I know that, dear, but what I'm saying is that 'don't go into the light' is a cinematic cliche not rooted in reality."

"I know that! You think I don't know that? I know that."

"Alight, I didn't say you didn't. I was just pointing it out."

"...Still. There should have been a light."

"Mm-hm."

"And what was up with the waiting room, right? Lame."

"Oh, yes. That was lame."

"Felt like I was going for a job interview."

"Lame."

" _Seriously_ lame."


	29. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nights can be lonely sometimes. It's good to have someone by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this is really fluff, but it's not really anything else, either.

Tahani's hair spilling over the white expanse of her pillow is a sight Eleanor will never get over. It's long and gorgeous and totally worth the effort Tahani puts in, although Eleanor would never say that on pain of death.

It's silky and curls around her fingers easily but never gets caught on her nails. Tahani never makes a noise when Eleanor plays with it, lets it slip through her fingers in a way she hopes Tahani never does.

Tahani's hair means care.

Tahani's hair means she’s here.

Tahani's hair on her pillow means Eleanor isn’t alone in the dark.


	30. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear is a hard thing to let go of. Faith is a hard thing to build.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are these chapters spaced weird? I feel like some of them are spaced weird.

Eleanor messes up. A lot. She knows that.

She can’t keep a relationship, platonic or romantic, to save her life. She’s rash and abrasive and a bit cruel sometimes. But she knows she is better than that -please God she’s got to be-, or at least she could be.

The thing is, she’s never wanted to be. Just like she could be better, the world (Her parents, her friends, her boyfriends) could’ve been better to her.

So when this thing with Tahani starts, Eleanor is terrified. She wants to keep this.

She wants to have faith in Tahani. (In herself.)


	31. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani gets caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how I feel about this one. I guess I like it.

Eleanor seems- ordinary, when Tahani first meets her. A bit strange perhaps, a little rude, sometimes nice. But ordinary.

That doesn’t last long. It lasts until she spends more than ten minutes with Eleanor. It starts small; noticing the light when it hits her hair, how she seems to have a halo of fire in the evenings. The way her painted nails glint under light. The way amusement and mischief make her eyes glow. Her cheeks and the way they redden when she’s embarrassed.

Tahani gets caught by Eleanor’s colors, and losing her now feels like going back to monochrome.


	32. Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions suck, but not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor has got some issues with the dreaded "L" word.

Eleanor is not one for exploring her emotions, she’ll be the first one to volunteer that information about herself. In fact, she’s prided herself on going about repressing them most of her life. This does make forging lasting relationships with people difficult.

It’s why she ends up speechless, breathless, embarrassed and sick to her stomach without knowing quite why when Tahani tells her those three little words. She can feel warmth in her chest and her heart in her throat.

But it doesn’t necessarily feel bad, this emotion that makes her want to say it back. Not bad at all.


	33. Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some old hurts stick around. They're not fun for anybody. (If you break a person, you're also breaking anyone who loves them.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again with the angst!

Sometimes, Tahani gets this look on her face. Her eyes go blank and her smile’s too sharp and her wit is cutting instead of kind. She moves with a kind of stiff grace that belies her tension. Her back’s too straight. Her hair’s too perfect. Her teeth are too white.

Eleanor hates it.

That isn’t her Tahani. Her Tahani is soft and kind and a little mean in a funny way. Her Tahani lets Eleanor play with her hands and her hair. Her Tahani doesn’t smile when she’s sad.

This is Tahani’s parents’ version. This version has Eleanor feeling sick.


	34. Shades of Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor is colorful. Tahani appreciates it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having some writer's block, but I liked this one!

For a long time, Tahani’s world feels monochrome. She meets the same people in the same places and has the same, boring conversations. She says the same things, gives the same looks, and wears the same overpriced clothes. Nothing stands out. Everything blurs together.

If there’s one thing Eleanor’s good at, it’s standing out.

Eleanor is all bright smiles and swirling colors. She’s loud and brash and angry and kind and everything Tahani didn’t know her grey world had been missing. She likes it when Tahani shows her flaws, she’s there when Tahani is upset and grins when Tahani smiles.


	35. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Independence is something Eleanor values over all else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this might be sub par, it's been a rough day.

Eleanor promised herself a long time ago that she was done being an afterthought. She wouldn’t let someone regulate her to the background ever again.

Her parents never remembered her in favor of their own lives. Her significant others never seemed to have problems forgetting her once they were done.

But she wasn’t going to be an afterthought anymore. Not in her parents’ lives, not in her partners’, and not in her own.

So when she sees the same look in Tahani’s face that was in her own that day she left home, Eleanor feels a certain kinship blooming in her chest.


	36. Dreamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor contemplates her life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People change.

Eleanor would never admit it, but she’s always been a dreamer.

She dreamed of a life without her parents. (Dream achieved, at the expense of not having a family.)

She dreamed of a life without responsibilities. (Dream achieved, at the expense of a lifetime of loneliness and mindlessness.)

Now, she dreams of something else. Eleanor doesn’t want a lack of responsibilities to others. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore. Now she dreams of pretty brown eyes and a wide smile and hands in hers. Now Eleanor dreams of warmth and light and togetherness she has never quite comprehended before.


	37. Mist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silly questions at least keep you busy. (Eleanor, why do you need to ask about being a ghost? You're literally in the afterlife.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some humor!

“Okay, but if you could be a ghost, what do you think you’d look like?”

“Myself, I suppose.”

“Uh, lame. Totally unoriginal. Saying you’d look like Slimer is better than that, girl.”

“I don’t think I want to look like anything called a Slimer.”

“Do you think ghosts get to choose what they look like? Like, could I just show up as like an eighteenth century housewife who was so disappointed in her marriage she committed murder-suicide?”

“Uh- what?”

“Or like, an impenetrable cloud of mist? Mysterious, yo.”

“I thought ghosts appeared how they died.”

“Ugh, but that’s so boring!”


	38. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani reflects on if her family would ever get to the good place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Tahani angst, which is my specialty. (No Eleanor in this one, sorry folks.)

Tahani sometimes wondered where her parents would end up after everything. When she was alive, she would have denied it, rushed to say of course she knew her parents would go to heaven, look at all they had done for others, all they had done for her and her sister.

But the reality was that Tahani knew deep down even then that no one in her family quite measured up. She was envious, her parents materialistic, Kamilah prideful. It hurt to think about though, so she didn’t.

Now, she wonders if she’ll ever see them down here. She hopes not.


	39. Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late for reflecting on mortality if you've already died, Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as hopeful as I intended, but not completely hopeless either.

Eleanor never thought about death when she was alive. Not in the concrete, ‘is there life afterwards’ way that most were occupied with as soon as they realized their own mortality. If hard pressed, she guesses she’d say she thought that life was just that; one shot, give it your all, so sorry if it doesn’t work out for you.

No retries, no take-backs, no do-overs.

It’s reassuring, she supposes, in an unpleasant way when she realizes that there is somewhere else after. Even if it isn’t the good place.

Besides, this place has Tahani. How bad can it be?


	40. Knowing How

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New experiences can be terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I write too much emotional angst, or not enough?

Eleanor has never been in love. She can admit that.

Eleanor has dated and screwed around and lived with her partners. She’s explored her sexuality and had fun and broken hearts. Hell, she’s even had her own broken (more or less) a few times.

But Eleanor’s never _love_ loved someone. (God she sounds like a fifth grader.)

So this thing with Tahani- it’s new and scary and strange. She’s sweating and nervous and all fluttery and shit. (She thinks maybe that’s a good thing? Like, it proves Eleanor cares about this, at least. Right?)

Whatever. She’ll figure it out. Probably.


	41. Fork in the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Eleanor can get into poetry sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, the English major in me had to.

“Do you ever think about that one poem- that one about the woods and a road or some shit?”

“The one by Robert Frost? Of course I’ve read it, it’s certainly famous.”

“But like, what do you think about it?”

“I like it I suppose. Why do you ask? It doesn’t seem the type of thing you’d be interested in.”

“Yeah, no, it’s not. But that dude really had something, huh? Like if we made different choices, we wouldn’t end up here. I could be alive. Hey, you could be, too! Then again, we’d never meet; that’d be pretty lame.”


	42. Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani sees something in Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the fluff rotting your teeth yet? No? Then I'm not trying hard enough.

Eleanor is something else, Tahani will give her that much. She’s realized that from the very first time they met, as innocuous as it was.

She’s tiny and fierce and funny. She’s all light and bright hair and sparking eyes. Her voice’s full of lilting tones and banter and sharp wit to match that sharp tongue. (And yes, she might be getting drunk at the party, but they _are_ dead.) She seems like someone who wouldn’t catch Tahani’s attention, who she’d and never think of twice. And yet- _and yet_ …

Tahani catches her breath and realizes this is a beginning.


	43. Nature's Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two just don't have good luck with picnics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bees are back in town. (Also, sorry this is a bit late, I was dealing with college registration, ugh.)

“I told you this was a bad idea!”

“ _You_ told _me_? _You_ were the one to suggest it!”

“And you listened to me! Why would you ever listen to me? Everybody knows I come up with the worst plans.”

“You always say otherwise!”

“And you always back me up! You should try not doing that when I suggest something stupid.”

“Oh this is unbelievable- you’re mad that I’m a supportive girlfriend?”

“When we’re standing in the middle of a thunderstorm because you supported a terrible idea, yes!”

“We’re never picnicking again! This is just like the time with the bees!”


	44. At Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterlife ain't all it's cracked up to be, Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Eleanor angst. (Sadly, sans Tahani. Sorry guys.)

Now Eleanor would never call herself religious, but she’s pretty sure that after death is supposed to be some kind of-end. A stop. Or like, a pause in between the bullshit, if you believed in reincarnation.

She didn’t. But she believed in a stop to the bullshit, at least.

Which is why she feels like screaming now. Because it didn’t stop; she feels the roiling in her gut, the press of tears in her skull, the knowledge of her inferiority and wrongness and _bad_ , acrid, on her tongue.

Eleanor is not resting in peace, that’s for fucking sure.

Maybe someday.


	45. Heart Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Favorite songs are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff to make up for last chapter.

“Okay- favorite song in the whole world?”

“Hm. That’s a good one. I don’t know- what’s yours?”

“Oh that’s easy, ‘Africa’ by Toto.”

“’Africa?’ I’m afraid I’m not familiar.”

“You’ve never heard ‘Africa’ by Toto? It’s only the best song in the entire world!”

“I can’t say I have. Or I don’t remember it.”

“Unbelievable. Totally unacceptable. He blessed the rains down in Africa for his girlfriend, Tahani!”

“He sounds very charming. And why is he down in Africa, exactly?”

“Hell if I know. But you’re hearing this. Immediately. I can’t believe I’m dating someone who hasn’t listened to ‘Africa.’”


	46. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney movies are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get it, it's funny because Eleanor is Kristen Bell? And Kristen Bell is- yeah, you get it.

“Best Disney movie?”

“Mulan.”

“Yes! Yes, oh my God, Mulan is the shit, dude! I’m so glad you said that. That was the right answer.”

“What would be the wrong answer?”

“Frozen.”

“What? I liked Frozen.”

“Nah man, the main chick had such an annoying voice. And the songs? Stupid.”

“I thought she sounded lovely.”

“’When will my reflection show-‘“

“’Who I am, inside.’”

“See? That song’s so much better than ‘Let It Go.’ Everybody knows like all the words to Mulan songs.”

“Everybody knows the words to ‘Let It Go,’ too.”

“That’s because she repeats the same line constantly.”


	47. Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flaws in character make you more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if I'm entirely happy with it, but oh well.

Tahani has a need to be perfect.

She’s not exactly subtle about it. Eleanor thought at first that Tahani _was_ perfect; perfectly beautiful, perfectly polite, perfectly nice. It was aggravating.

But then she sees these sharp edges; the anger and hurt and sadness. The fear she’ll never be good enough.

_That_ Eleanor can relate to.

It’s funny, but now that she sees all the bad with all the good, she likes Tahani more. She admires her now like she hadn’t when Tahani was perfect. Eleanor guesses all those Hallmark movies were right; seeing and accepting someone’s flaws makes them beautiful.


	48. Everyday Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is Tahani's hair that perfect? How!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer was being stupid yesterday, so have two updates!

“Okay, but how do you get your hair to do that, anyway?”

“The elegant cascade down my back?”

“Yes, F. Scott Fitzgerald. You know what I mean, you don’t have to describe it like freaking Cinderella or some shit.”

“Well it is a long, involved process you know. I want to give it the proper respect.”

“Oh my God, you are the worst. Is it anti-dandruff shampoo? Is that it?”

“No it- no. It’s a Korean regimen, supplemented with Italian products-“

“Ugh, never mind. Too much work. Just say it’s magic next time.”

“It’s not magic, it is hard work!”


	49. Umbrella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret behind their failed picnics is out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought I was done ruining their picnics? You fool.

“We really need to stop doing this.”

“You’d think we would have learned from last time, huh?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I _have_ learned. See, I brought the umbrella. And you said we wouldn’t need it.”

“Okay, okay, you’ve got me. I’m in the wrong. Are you happy now?”

“Well obviously I’m not happy, our afternoon is ruined.”

“Come on, shove over, it’s freezing out here.”

“Do you think Michael is doing this on purpose? To-“

“To mess with us! Yes! Oh my God Tahani, he’s the one ruining our picnics! We gotta get some sweet revenge, baby!”


	50. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindred spirits are few and far between. It's important to recognize them when you see them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, my brother's wedding is this weekend and then I'm on a week long vacation, so I may not update (or do so sporadically) until week after next.

Tahani remembers the first time she ever saw Eleanor; or at least the real Eleanor, rather than the Eleanor she put out for everyone to see. It was only for a split second, and only because Eleanor herself had had a few too many at the welcome party. But Tahani had looked at her quietly from across the room and through the crowd.

And in that small slip of time before the next person brushed by and Eleanor was distracted, Tahani saw the look in her eyes.

She recognized it as the same lost one she saw in the mirror.


	51. Troubling Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma can bring you together in the worst ways. at least they're trying to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back, back again?

Maybe that is why she loves Tahani; Tahani can understand the nights where Eleanor can’t sleep, can’t blink, can’t think. Tahani understands the fear, the anxiety that tightens her chest to the point where Eleanor thinks she’s suffocating.

Tahani knows the fear of turning into her parents.

She’s seen that same fear in Tahani’s eyes. It’s the little things that set it off; speaking sharply to a loved one (Eleanor) or berating someone (Eleanor) for a stupid mistake. It’s small for Eleanor too; the snapping comeback or the anger flashing hot then cold in her throat.

That fear never leaves.


	52. Stirring of the Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan to ensure the protection of further picnics must be made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I would be making a storyline out of any of these, but here we are.

“Okay, okay- how about we get into his closet and dye all of his stupid suits weird colors? Or like, just throw a bunch of forking paint on them? He loves those stupid suits.”

“How do you know he even has a closet? If we’re going to do something to him, I’m afraid it’ll have to be directly.”

“Ugh, you’re right. It’s just so hard to think with all this stupid wind.”

“It does make an unfair amount of noise. I think he’s toying with us.”

“That dirtbag. We are so gonna get to him, just watch.”

“Of course, dear.”


	53. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear of the future isn't uncommon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst and fluff!

Eleanor never thought about the future. Not in a concrete sense anyway; she preferred to go with the flow, prided herself on being able to land on her feet no matter what happened. It was what she was good at. And yeah, maybe sometimes, when she was awake in the night and the streetlight outside was flickering and the city streets were quiet, maybe she thought about what would happen to her- maybe she can even admit now that she was scared.

Now she looks in Tahani’s eyes and instead of being afraid- well, the future’s looking good, is all.


	54. Health and Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain means the wound is healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to know you're hurt in order to heal. (Tahani angst is my favorite kind of angst.)

Tahani is used to the pit in her heart.

She’s felt it for years; her family put it there and they dug it deep. It’s why she can’t quite meet her own eye in the mirror, why she always tries so hard to say and do the right thing, why she’s-why she is the way she is.

Tahani has trouble understanding that she can let that pit in her heart go; it doesn’t really need to be filled. Sometimes it’s alright to acknowledge that you have a hole in you that won’t ever go away.

Eleanor helps teach her that.


	55. Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family is forever, whether you like it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention that I also like Eleanor angst?

Eleanor had known she was leaving a long time before her birthday. For years she’d dreamed of it, thought about all the foul things she had to say to her parents, all the insults and hurts she had to repay in full. It was to be her greatest ever accomplishment. She’d finally be independent, not forced to live with those terrible people.

Eating that cake alone in her new home was pretty great.

It’s only after she’s dead that Eleanor begins to realize- maybe she had left her parents, but those terrible parts of her family had never left her.


	56. Everything For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just accept Tahani's flirty presents, Eleanor; it's easier on us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your regular angst broadcast to bring you some fluffy humor!

Eleanor is not gracious when presented with a gift. It takes Tahani a bit to realize this and when she does- well, there goes about seventy percent of her flirting techniques.

Flowers? Nope- Eleanor doesn’t know how to treat them and besides, she’s allergic, duh.

A potted plant then? What, like Eleanor is supposed to take care of it now?

Clothes? Oh, Tahani is just commenting on Eleanor’s fashion sense, huh?

Chocolates? Okay, those went over pretty well.

Flirty one-liners accompanied with her fabulous hair and smoldering eyes? Well actually, based on Eleanor’s flustered stuttering, there might be something there.


	57. Slow Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario Kart (tm) can ruin relationships, ladies. Be careful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something a little fluffy!

“No, no, no, don’t- shit!”

“Is that good? Did I do that? Is it supposed to blow up like that?”

“You know what, you are the worst.”

“I’m guessing yes then. Excellent.”

“This is so unfair. I can’t believe you’re beating me at this already. This is the worst.”

“Oh come on, this was supposed to be fun, right? Although I do have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why does a turtle shell make your car blow up? And what is the large turtle spikey thing driving that one car?’

“They are Karts, not cars, and you’re thinking too much about this.”


	58. Heartfelt Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remembering dates is very important, ladies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed already, I am incapable of writing anything that doesn't have a happy ending.

“Okay, I just- I gotta say this one time only so like, pay attention, okay?”

“Oh- alright. What is it, dearest?”

“It’s- uh, shirt. Um I mean I just- I’m sorry. I’m really forking sorry.”

“Wha-what? What do you mean? What happened? You haven’t done anything.”

“Yeah, that’s just it- I forgot.”

“Forgot what, darling?”

“Um- Are you serious?”

“Yes?”

“Tahani, today is our six month anniversary.”

“Oh. Um. Of course it is.”

“Oh my God. Oh my _God!_ You forgot our anniversary!”

“Well so did you!”

“I remembered and apologized for it, jerkface!”

 “…Fine. Alright, you've got me there.”


	59. Challenged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't back down from a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some silly fluff again. Don't worry, the angst will undoubtedly make a return sometime soon.

“Okay, it’s on now, my dude.”

“No. No way. We are not doing this. It’s stupid and completely unhealthy.”

“What, you’ve never tried this before? Never seen a pie eating contest or that televised one where the tiny lady beats everybody at eating hot dogs?”

“Ugh. No, of course I wouldn’t watch something so disgusting.”

“Heh, yeah you’re right it’s pretty gross. But your loss my dude, because I am so gonna win this contest now. I know all the moves.”

“I’m not doing this.”

“Yeah you are. Ready, go!”

 “…How is your tiny body eating that much that fast?”


	60. Exhaustion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor isn't the best with words. This doesn't mean she doesn't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told y'all the angst would be back.

The afterlife is supposed to be restful. Eleanor’s pretty sure of this fact, with the whole “rest in peace” crap. She’s supposed to be okay now. They’re all supposed to be okay now.

They’re decidedly not okay.

She doesn’t know how Tahani does it, makes every interaction look effortless and charming. It’s only later, when she catches sight of Tahani dully staring at her own reflection like it’s a stranger-

Afterlife or not, that hurt isn’t something you forget.

She's got no words. The best Eleanor can do for them both right now is tangle their fingers and make a joke.


	61. Accuracy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiming in FPS games is tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based on the first time my best friend and I played Dead Space together.

“Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, for the love of God-“

“I’m trying, stop yelling!”

“You’re not hitting it, oh my God, you’re going to die, run run run-“

“I can do this, stop shouting at me. Why isn’t it hitting him?”

“Your aim is off dude- stop, go back, the exit is the other way!”

“How can you tell? Everything’s the same in this game, it’s all grey hallways.”

“Follow the lights, dude, always follow the lights in video games! They are your salvation.”

“That’s rather poetic-“

“The big freak is still after you- run!”

“Stop shouting at me!”


	62. Irregular Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid fights are part of every relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact about me: whenever I'm feeling like writing something extra gay I listen to Marina and the Diamonds.

“What is Saturn in Gatorade or something?”

“Wha-what? What does that even mean?”

“Well, we were cool when we went to sleep last night and now you’re acting all weird. So it must be because like the planets have aligned in the perfect way to piss you off.”

“…Did you mean ‘is Saturn in retrograde?’”

“Same difference.”

“It’s really not; and if you really cared about what was bothering me you’d already know.”

“Is this about the fact that I accidentally knocked the breakfast you made me in bed to the floor?”

“Let me think- yes!”

“It was an accident!”


	63. Cold Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where does real frigidity lie; in a death surrounded by the other damned, or in a life lived alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing a lot of thinking about Eleanor's adult life, and it kinda gets to be how alone she is.

There’s something about being lonely, Eleanor finds, that feels oddly safe. It’s like a suit of armor around her; she can’t get hurt because there’s no one around her or near enough to her heart to stab her in it.

But that’s no way to live as Eleanor finds out.

That’s the real reason she died; she couldn’t get past the ice walls she built between herself and others. She imprisoned herself in her own loneliness and prided herself on being strong enough to never need anyone.

Only in death, does Eleanor realize she needs someone else.

She understands now.


	64. Frost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling climax to their picnic adventures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Payback Time.

“Oh my God- I can’t believe you did that-“

“Holy shirt, it worked.”

“You _didn’t think it would work?”_

“I mean, I hoped it would.”

“Where did you even get the bees from?”

“They never left from that first time- wait. Is he coming over here?”

“Run. Run, right now.”

“…Guess you could say there’s a bee in his bonnet, huh? Or suit, I guess.”

“We’ve got to hide- is it snowing?”

“You gotta be kidding me. This is cheating!”

“We should get back to the house before this turns into a blizzard.”

“ _You hear me ash-hole? This is cheating!”_


	65. A Moment In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection on Eleanor's personal hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is back; no comfort to be found in this one, folks.

Eleanor doesn’t know if it’s true what they were told: that years have passed since they died. It’s fitting, she guesses, that time in The Bad Place would be slower; she was always the type to rush on, with the next job, the next boyfriend, the next home. Eleanor always wanted to push on. She spent years running forward as a distraction from looking back.

Eleanor has never been one for self-reflection. Too many flaws, too little time. Now, hell is providing her with a photographic memory of every shitty thing she’s done and plenty of time.

Gotta love it.


	66. Dangerous Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor and Tahani both have quite a bit of baggage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe someday I'll do more than character reflections. Someday.

For someone who purports to be laidback, Eleanor has a lot of prickly subjects in the closet with her skeletons. Tahani sometimes feels like talking to her ( _really_ talking, not joking or flirting or- well, you get the point) is like walking on eggshells. Don’t talk about children, boyfriends were a hit and miss, she usually thought Tahani was about to make fun of her for her lack of knowledge of fashion and God forbid talk of family.

That last one is the roughest. Thankfully, Tahani knows a thing or two about strategy and psychology, and, incidentally, about terrible families.


	67. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays 'The Floor is Lava.' Nobody really wins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the first chapter I've had (almost) all of Team Cockroach together. Neat!

“Okay, wait, how is this game played?”

“Right babe, all you gotta do is get up on the furniture whenever someone yells ‘the floor is lava,’ otherwise you’re in the lava and you’re dead.”

“Yeah, it’s not that hard Tahani! It’s super fun; you should play with us!”

“Shut up Jason. If it weren’t hard you wouldn’t be dead right now.”

“That’s not fair! Chidi pushed me off the stool!”

“No, you knocked me down when you tried to climb on my stool like a spider monkey.”

“Spider monkey? Is that like, a monkey-spider hybrid? Cool!”

“No, Jason, It’s not.”


	68. Unsettling Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harsh truths are to be expected in the Bad Place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No seriously guys, I love Tahani angst.

Tahani has always been good at lying to herself.

‘Mother and Father do love me. Kamillia didn't mean to be so harsh. They're only so critical because they want what is best for Tahani. They just want her to try harder.’

‘These people are her friends; they aren't using her for anything. They like her. Tahani is likeable. Tahani is sweet and kind and does this out of the goodness of her heart. Tahani has no ulterior motives to her charity. She just likes being a good person.’

Tahani is a good liar.

Apparently the Bad Place thinks so too.


	69. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate way they could have met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Friends were in town. I've also been having a bit of a creative block recently so updates may vary. I'll try to keep up a steady schedule though, since we're in the home stretch now.

“Okay, okay Eleanor don’t panic, don’t panic. You can fix this. Everything is gonna be fine. You can just leave! Yeah! Just drive off; it’s only a broken window! People get their windows fixed all the time right? Whatever rich person who owns a BMW can get the window fixed with, like, pocket change! And you can leave and no one will ever know it was you. You’ll be fine-in the clear! There aren’t even cameras here-“

“Excuse me? What are you doing near my car?”

“…Well hello, beautiful.”

“What-why is my window broken?”

“Well, see, that’s a funny story.”


	70. Bitter Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little angst with a side of hopeful ending. (I really can't ever leave things on a terrible note. I'm such a softie.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day to make up for yesterday! I hope you enjoy!

Tahani knows a lot about uncomfortable silences. She’s trained herself not to fidget in them, or make too much nervous small talk. (A little nervous small talk was good- it could get conversation flowing- but too much revealed how unsettled you were.) She knows the instinct to make more noise, or to leave the stillness. She knows all the tricks. (She’s used all the tricks.)

Something wrenches a little in Tahani’s heart when she sees Eleanor using them with her.

She thought they were close enough to stand the silence together. She’s wrong? Tahani will just have to fix that.


	71. The True You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to show all of yourself to another person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this is about how I'm feeling right now, not gonna lie. But I tried to make it a bit sweet/hopeful at the end!

Eleanor has spent a long time being afraid of herself. She knows it sounds stupid but- things were hard as a kid. And a teen. And an adult. Eleanor grew hard too, just to stay alive. No emotions, no chinks in the armor meant no one could hurt her.

Tahani has masks she puts on. Like her makeup and skin care routines, there are a lot of steps, all done in the hope to hide from the world. Unreality suited her, high walls between her and others meant that she was safe.

Now, they have nothing between them. It’s better.


	72. Pretense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An in-depth look at Tahani's reaction in season one. (Mostly about Eleanor, not Jason. Because I'm gay.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, my classes started yesterday and I was wiped out!

When she finds out Eleanor and Jason have been lying to them all, Tahani is- well, she’s pissed, to be honest. She riles against this injustice, talking about how it isn’t fair that they gets to stay and ruin the rest of their afterlives. She talks about owning your mistakes.

And then Eleanor tries to take the fall.

When Jason and Eleanor run, she wants to fume. She want to be angry. But Chidi looks at her and asks, so quietly, if she knows what it’s like to try to be a better person.

She can’t be angry after that.


	73. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor has a thing of Tahani's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something abit lighter because I've been down in the dumps lately and that's no way to be!

Tangling her fingers in Tahani’s hair is one of Eleanor’s new favorite activities. She’ll give the prissy princess this much; her elaborate hair care routines paid off. Big time. Eleanor herself never really had the patience or time to deal with long hair. If she let it get passed her shoulders it inevitably turned into a frizzy mess. Besides, her short hair is iconic and she loves it.

But now, sitting with Tahani’s head in her lap, Eleanor can understand the appeal of long hair. She can really understand.

She’s never been one for sitting still before, either. Go figure.


	74. Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best kinds of conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little pick me up!

“Do you think frogs have feelings?”

“Eleanor, darling…”

“What?”

“It’s twelve in the morning.”

“And?”

“Please go back to sleep.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“I’m not. I want to go to sleep, alright.”

“But seriously, do you think frogs have feelings?”

“Oh my God.”

“No really; because what if it’s like frogs actually can think like us and they have their own language and society and stuff and they think _we’re_ the strange stupid looking idiot animals that do weird stuff all the time for no reason?”

“You definitely need to go to sleep now.”

“Answer the question Tahani.”

“Sleep. _Now._ ”


	75. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet contemplation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soft Tahani, anyone?

The darkness plays over Eleanor’s face this night. It makes strange shapes over her cheekbones, in the hollows of her temples and the dip of her chin. Her mouth is a black shape in her face, lips barely defined. Under the point of her chin, her neck slides away to shadow, even though Tahani knows the sheet is there, pulled up to her chest. Her skin is unnaturally pale and her eyelashes unnaturally dark where they fan over her cheeks. She is silent and still for once, tucked away from the world.

Tahani might just be in love with her.


	76. Summer Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More romantic fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm a sap. And after the first week of classes, I'm already missing summer.

The summer has always seemed like a calm time for Tahani. She is used to the heat and the free time, after all. She likes the sun and the beach and picnics in the parks. She likes the parties that are all but inevitable. She likes tennis on the lawn. Tea on the lawn. A lot of things happen on the lawn in summer.

In summer, time slips away from you. Days pass in a dream, nights seem to never end or never get there in the first place. Tahani genuinely loves it.

With Eleanor, it always feels like summer.


	77. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Eleanor angst, because I love to suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that could probably have been better if it were longer. Oh well.

Eleanor had thought that if there were even such a thing as a Bad Place, it would be fire lakes and chains and you know, regular torture. She thought maybe if she were to go there (she’d never be going there. Never mind what she used to think to herself in those early hours when the world was too dark and she was a little too lonely) she might have to deal with planning bad parties for strangers or small talk with grandparents she didn’t remember for all eternity.

No dice. It turns out, the memories are the worst torture.


	78. Changing in the Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to their battle for the picnics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally our heroes get to rest. After some off-screen pranking, of course.

“Do you think he’s just…stopped?”

“Well it certainly seems so, doesn’t it? We’ve been out here for quite a while now and it’s still lovely.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? I wonder why though…”

“I mean, you _were_ very persistent with those bees.”

“Ugh, I don’t know if that hurt him or me more. I think I might have a phobia now.”

“My brave hero.”

“Hey, I saved our picnics so shut your pie-hole missy.”

“It _does_ seem like the Good Place now.”

“Yep. More wine?”

“I think I love you.”

“I know I love you, so that’s a relief.”


	79. Illogical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cheery little continuation of the "Floor Is Lava" chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just felt like writing a bit about Jason. 'Cause come on. It's Jason.

"No, Jason, it’s not possible to create a monkey-spider. Will you _please_ stop asking me that?”

“I don’t even know why you’re asking Tahani, it’s obvious that Chidi’s the smartest one of us.”

“Hey! I take offense to that!”

“Sorry, babe, but it’s true and you know it.”

“On the contrary, wouldn’t Michael know more about monkey-spider hybrids?”

“How do you figure?”

“Well he _is_ a hell beast. It make sense he would know how to create nightmares.”

“You’ve got a point.”

“Where _is_ Chidi anyway? He didn’t want to share my nachos!”

“I think you gave him a headache.”


	80. Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor understands why. She just doesn't condone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who binge watched season two today and now has a million more ideas!

It’s hard for Eleanor to let things go. It used to be harder. Ever since this ethics thing kicked her in the ash, it’s been easier. Sometimes more so. Sometimes less.

So when she says she gets why Tahani can’t stop herself from fixating, why she sits up late at night sometimes and thinks about things said years in the past, or why she feels the need to try to define herself by how well their relationship is going- Eleanor _does_ understand.

She also understands how that can break you. Break them.

That’s the last thing she wants for Tahani.


	81. A Place to Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor's found home. All it took was dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was late all week to update? I don't know her.

It’s weird to think that it took all the (relatively short) years of her life for Eleanor to find somewhere she could call home.

Oh sure, she could call her apartment hers, or her car was hers, hell, even her boyfriends were hers for a little while. It’s only now, surrounded by three other ash-holes, a reformed (ish) demon and a not-a-robot, that Eleanor realizes that possession does not equate a home.

She’s read stupid books and watched stupid movies that said people could be home. She never believed it then.

Now she catches Tahani’s eye and things make sense.


	82. Advantage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously why wear those heels Tahani you're already a foot taller than everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might ride this wave of productivity as far as it will take me.

“This is just so unfair. And really uncool of you, just so you know. You already know that don’t you? You jerk.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about darling.”

“Oh shut it. I could have gotten it fine on my own, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I was being sarcastic! I can reach the top shelf you bench!”

“Language dear. I was only trying to help.”

“Yeah, that smug grin on your face says something else. And just so you know, you only made it because of those ridiculous heels.”

“Hm.”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“No you don’t.”


	83. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because fluffy I-thought-our-hot-sex-was-a-dream scenarios never get old.

“…Huh.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. So. That happened.”

“It would seem so.”

“That was real. Wow.”

“What did you think it was, a hallucination?”

“Honestly, I gotta say I thought it was a dream.”

“Do you…dream about us very often?”

“Dude. Duh.”

“Oh. Thank you, I suppose. That’s very flattering.”

“You don’t? Dream about it, I mean?”

“I might have. Once or twice.”

“Noice.”

“Please don’t high-five me when we’re in bed together.”

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right. So. Breakfast?”

“That would make it a good morning. Not that it’s not good already, certainly.”

“Cool, because you’re gonna have to help me cook.”


	84. Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misconceptions can be disastrous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have resumed our scheduled angst.

The first time Tahani meets Eleanor, all she can see is a shadow of her sister. The sash is a bit much, and the crown is ghastly but her eyes are bright and the dress fits nicely and her mouth is pretty. She is better in every way, apparently, than Tahani.

It makes something sour roil in her gut. She makes a thinly veiled offensive remark about her own breasts and pushes this tiny blonde woman away from her, verbally if not violently. She can’t stand having another Kamilah.

It’s only after every secret is revealed that Tahani sees Eleanor.


	85. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor deals with feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to use the phrase "falling in love" at some point right?

The phrase “falling in love” has never _not_ drawn a snort from Eleanor’s mouth. It’s stupid, and clichéd and honestly annoying.

But hey, maybe all those gross Hollywood writers were onto something. Because this right here? Being in love with Tahani Al-Jamil? It’s about as close to skydiving as Eleanor thinks she’s ever gonna get. Her stomach doesn’t feel like it has a pit in it. It feels like she doesn’t have a stomach anymore. Somewhere along the way that shit just dropped right out of her and never came back. She can’t catch her breath.

Doesn’t feel too bad.


	86. Picking up the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor reflects, and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A character study of season one Eleanor's decision to return from the Medium Place.

It’s pretty easy to leave your mess behind. Eleanor’s learned over her admittedly pretty short life that you could take a good thing, fork it up beyond repair while having fun, and then when things get bad and gross and messy, you could just, like. Leave.

It’s the hardest thing she’s ever done to go back and fix things. Eleanor’s never been told how to be a good person. And there’s only so much one nerd and a chalkboard can tell you about ethics.

But now- Eleanor can’t let everyone else take the fall for her fork up. Not this time.


	87. Gunshot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang tries out online gaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really satisfied with this, but have the first appearance of Janet!

“Nah, you don’t want to play that one, trust me. Terrible thirteen-year-olds with acne and anger issues call that one their favorite.”

“I see. But why is it named after a fish? Are those popular these days?”

“That’s an acronym Janet. It’s not truly about a cod fish.”

“Yeah, we can find something else to play. I’m pretty sure the war games are stressing Chidi out anyway; he’s doing his best turtle impression. And we don’t really need to expose Michael to doing more violence against human beings.”

“That would be prudent.”

“I bet Jason would’ve been good, though.”


	88. Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani is still learning how to define love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cliche, but what do you want from me? It's fanfiction.

Despite the cliché, Tahani never thought she was a jealous person.

(Then she died tearing down a statue of her sister because she couldn’t stand the sight of being outshone.)

Still, in love at least, she’s not jealous. She’s never felt that the person she was with needed to always be with her, or thinking of her. That kind of think is unhealthy, and more than a little creepy. And with Eleanor, Tahani doesn’t want Eleanor to just want her; she wants Eleanor to be better, and to be happy. Maybe selflessness is the first step to actually loving someone.


	89. Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies have a movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on my hate-watch of Twilight with my best friend.

“You really haven’t seen it?”

“Well, no, of course not. I couldn’t, not after how emotionally traumatized my dear friend Kristen was-“

“I swear to God if you ruin this terrible series for me by name-dropping one more time, I’m putting pink dye in your shampoo.”

“Hey- there’s no need to be rude darling.”

“Okay, let’s just forget it and watch. The best thing about this series is how much the actors hate themselves for doing it, anyway. You can see them dying inside.”

“That’s a very cruel kind of amusement.”

“Shut up and eat your popcorn.”

“Is it butter-free?”


	90. Nowhere and Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our girls contemplate the important questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will finish this series eventually. Even if it kills me.

“What do you think the boundless void is like?”

“I mean it’s all right there in the name, isn’t it?”

“Yes but- what is it made out of? Cause like, she’s in there somewhere when she’s not here, right? And she’s got like, stuff there.”

“True. There had to be something there for her to make Derek out of- but maybe she just makes things appear when she needs them.”

“Then what was all the rummaging around we heard when she was trying to find him?”

“Hm. Good point. Why not just ask Janet?”

“Hi guys!”

“Ah! Fork off, Janet!”  



	91. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More character study a la Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch now!

Eleanor’s entire time in the afterlife has been spent in doubt: is she really good enough to be in The Good Place? Could she change who she was fundamentally? Was this really The Good Place?

Who could she trust?

For a long time, Eleanor thought that last one might be the toughest. Sure, she had friends, but like hell would she tell them everything; who she was, what she’d done, how she felt small and vulnerable and _hurt_ most of her life.

But now, sitting in a warm, comfortable room surrounded by laughter she feels- safe. Maybe for the first time.


	92. Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll let you in on a secret: Jason did it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is taking longer than I thought, but it's getting there!

“It wasn’t me, I assure you.”

“Oh really? Then who was it Tahani, because no one else has access to my shower!”

“You really think I would do something as juvenile as putting dye in your shampoo? Please, don’t insult me.”

“I think I didn’t do the dishes last night and you were pissed at me!”

“That doesn’t mean I would have turned your hair pink.”

“Just admit that you did this and I’ll apologize for not being considerate, how about that?”

“I would love an apology but this wasn’t me.”

“Then no apology! Admit your guilt!”

“I’m not guilty!”


	93. Simplicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something to be said about the quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the times you can be together without saying anything at all that let you know who you love.

Eleanor’s favorite times with Tahani, strangely, are the ones where they’re quiet. Sure, Eleanor loves a good party, and shouting at their friends or singing along to a good song are always nice, but there’s something about the silence with Tahani. She thinks it’s probably because she never got along well enough with anyone else to be in silence with them.

She doesn’t have to talk. She doesn’t have to be the life of the party, to lie about herself, to be loud. Tahani doesn’t have to be perfect and poised and pristine.

It’s nice, for once, to simply be.


	94. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani reflects, regrets, and hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another character study because I can't get enough.

All that charity, all those trips to third world countries, all those parties thrown and hands shaken and pictures taken. All her life given away, second upon second, year upon year.

Tahani had tried so, _so_ hard. Sometimes she forgets what she was even trying for; her parents’ approval? Besting her sister? To be a truly good person? To feel something other than utter, disquieting longing to be something or someone else?

Maybe all of it. Maybe none of it.

In the end it hadn’t been enough.

But still. Things could be looking up, especially with Eleanor’s hand in hers.


	95. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor reflects this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-acceptance is the hardest lesson to learn.

Tahani is shallow. Eleanor is a dirtbag. It’s freeing, somehow, to admit to this. Like taking a mask off you’ve been suffocating under. Lying to yourself can be so very exhausting.

They both deserved better. That truth, strangely, is a little harder to swallow. Eleanor thinks you get so used to what people do to you, what your parents do to you, that you don’t understand when someone else comes along and offers you compassion. You never learned to recognize it.

But it’s easier, the fact that they work on it together. She knows Tahani gets it.

She gets it.


	96. Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani teaches Eleanor how to make flower crowns. Or tries to, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little humor, a little fluff, a little good times!

“No, you thread the last stem underneath the one before it, not over it.”

“But then it’s gonna get all sticky with the thorns, right?”

“…Eleanor. You’re not supposed to be using any flowers with thorns.”

“But what about these roses? I just picked them.”

“You mean the roses I planted yesterday morning? Those roses? The roses I specifically said don’t pick?”

“…Ok, I know how bad this looks, but in my defense, Jason was picking them too.”

“Oh, yes. Because you saw Jason doing something and thought ‘that man is such a paragon of intelligence I’ll follow his lead.’”


	97. Enthusiasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani contemplates Eleanor's kissing technique.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took me 97 chapters to talk about them kissing.

Tahani is not surprised to find that Eleanor is as enthusiastic in kissing as she is in everything else (that she likes, anyway). It’s most endearing, the way she sort of throws her whole body into a kiss. She’ll lean up on her very tip-toes, and thread her arms around Tahani’s neck and arch so softly into the kiss. She seems to have a thing for tangling her fingers in Tahani’s hair.

But Tahani has a thing about leaning down to kiss her gently, cupping Eleanor’s delicate face in her hands, curving herself around Eleanor- so they’re even, she supposes.


	98. Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor gets relationship advice from Chidi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Chidi and Eleanor, both as friends and together.

“This thing with Tahani, it’s not a game, you know? Like, I’m not wondering ‘oh, what can I get her to do for me, what can I say to make her drop whatever topic I don’t like, what can she give me,’ blah blah blah.”

“Okay, as disturbing as that mental image of your past relationships is, I guess that’s…good?”

“Yeah.”

“Eleanor?”

“Yes, Chidi?”

“That’s your Freak Out tone.”

“I don’t have a tone, _you_ have a tone.”

“Eleanor. Come on.”

“I just- _really_ like her.”

“Eleanor, that’s not a bad thing. But you don’t have to be scared either.”


	99. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tahani reflects on the benefits of being dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the penultimate chapter, folks. :)

Tahani had thought she had everything when she was alive. She was wealthy, intelligent, charming, beautiful. It’s only now that she’s dead that she realizes: Tahani had nothing. Nothing real, anyway. She was alone and lonely and sad and depressed and angry and a smattering of other terrible things to be. She was selfish, and a little bit cruel.

Now, she’s dead. But she isn’t alone. For the first time, Tahani has people who care about her. She has people _Tahani_ cares about. Tahani has gotten what she always wanted most- a family.

All she had to do was die.


	100. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final contemplation of our girls' relationship- and where it can go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tank you all for sticking with me on this journey! And thank you to any who come after, and read all the way through.

In the beginning, Eleanor couldn’t bring herself to even think about the possibility of dying.

In the beginning, Tahani thought of death only abstractly- it was “The Big End,” something not to be contemplated too closely.

In the beginning, Eleanor was angry and lazy and lonely.

In the beginning, Tahani was jealous and spiteful and lonely.

In the beginning, Eleanor thought she hated Tahani.

In the beginning, Tahani thought she hated Eleanor.

In the end, they don’t hate each other.

In the end, they’re in love.

In the end, they’re together.

In the end, the end is only the beginning.


End file.
